| Like clockwork... |
[01 Nov 2009|05:23pm] |
I awaken to the frigid 'Ber month mornings, usually by 6, at which I deactivate the electric fan I may have had running during the night and slip into the covers and a blanket...
Only to get up and hope the internet is up, like I am doing right now. Perhaps wearing thicker pajamas (yes, and I am proud of mine, hehehe) or having heavier blankets would do.
I place a very high premium on my sleep, after all, but then I am very sensitive to my surroundings. The slightest noise, the subtlest change in surrounding light, and I'd awaken, fully, completely, and I'd have trouble easing back into slumber. Not to mention my recurring bouts with hyperacidity, keeping my bid to stay asleep, even on holiday mornings, to be as challenging as finding a needle in an infinite haystack.
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| Frozen... |
[31 Oct 2009|07:04am] |
or at least close to it. My gangly frame sits at a terminal, banging away at least the moment. I tend to write voluminously but for now, I've been trying to minimize words. Get to the core, that sort of thing, since I tend to ramble. Can't help it if details cascade before my eyes.
Is my heart in the right place? Has it been starting to mess with how I deal with my day-to-day? What is my current limit? Will I even live long enough to find out if its all really worth it?
Back to back deluges for the Philippines. Seems the Day After Tomorrow really is a survival guide. Good thing we watched it back in those days when we fancied seeing images of the world getting destroyed, one city below or close to sea level at a time, while the rest burn away, or freeze, or endure freak windstorms the likes of which not even mentioned in the annals of the Bible...
It was a conscious decision to no longer craft my fate as I saw fit...so far, its been one hell of a ride. I've rechecked my vitals and it seems the last set of results were inconclusive. I've reweighed and seems to have stabilized at a shade above 140 lbs., thus no longer underweight. As far as existing conditions go, I just ran out of proton pump inhibitors and am back to regulating diet every two hours. Yes, I'm still on sleep inducers but at least those still work...
November. I hope it ends quicker than October...
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| When battling the twin doldrums of despair and uncertainty... |
[28 Oct 2009|04:34am] |
it helps when you have a fresh crop of action-packed mp3 osts to help boost the mood.
Many thanks to John H for the 200+ MB of Street Fighter 4 tracks. Will eventually apply them to the gymPod. And restarting the gym enlistment...the minute I am secure that November has me staying in place...
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| Inevitability... |
[07 Oct 2009|07:57pm] |
Some would depict me as worrisome, that some things I visualize won't happen.
Guess what.
They do, with alarming accuracy and terrifying consequences. Best bet right now is to stay focused, stay strong, gut out the problems as best I can (which I usually do...haven't broken down so far...)
The adage "When one door closes, another begins" holds true.
Gathering symptoms now, improving what I can. Soon, we'll see what happens...
One can only get better in spite of all this.
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| Johnny Mnemonic mode... |
[25 Sep 2009|01:15pm] |
has me awake for nearly 19 hours now...
Must...
Cease...
Train of Thought...
Kill...hypothetical....sequences...
Quell...higher brain functions...
.
.
.
.
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| Analyses notwithstanding... |
[21 Sep 2009|07:20am] |
I began 2008 with a guide, a cheat sheet if you will, to plot out how each month will go. More often than not, what was written on that guide, held true.
2009 held no such schema in my hands. Arguably, the first half of the year had been mediocre by my standards. The entire world was reeling from the economic downturn started in the West, like dominoes tumbling down. These days, we get positive hints that its stopped, slowed down...
Unlike 2008, where premeditation was the norm, 2009 is shaping up to be far more unpredictable, with the keywords "survive" and "adapt" coined more often than not.
Been some time since I wrote here, as is normal, what with concerns of the over-world upon me. Suffice to say, I need to lessen the quiet contemplation, needing to apply myself to other preoccupations rather than reading abstracts and theories that would drive most quite mad...or at least to the very edge of sanity...
A quarter century so far. Perhaps a couple more quarter centuries to go...
Added incentive now, but it seems I have forgotten the innate defenses, having opened up too much now. That and nearly forgetting parts of myself, the distractions for the most part, those that have helped me along quite well in all those years. Kept me sharp. Inquisitive. Different.
Even material things need attention, once in a while.
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| [-12] Wear and Tear... |
[07 Sep 2009|10:35am] |
is evident...
On Black Prime: its CRT monitor has 1/6th of it fading out, then flashing back on to full capacity once its warmed up. We've replaced the HD and one other part, otherwise everything else seems to be working fine. Not bad for a workstation purchased back in '05. I'll be replacing, upgrading, perhaps selling off its motherboard (which is still in top condition, from the looks of things) once the two major contenders of Game of the Year are released.
On Me: but not so much now. Slept extra and took medication, went on Sick Leave, so tomorrow I'll be back to fighting strength. It's the weather, too cold for comfort but albeit on par with the expectations of the wet season.
At least three designs beckon for me to fix...
- "Chiaroscuro"
- "Jace @ 100%"
- Chandra v.1 @ 100%"
But as it happens, these items are priority 2. Of course, they're on the back burner, waiting for when I do get an inkling to do them up.
Then there's Zendikar...and the Buy-a-Box Promo. Gauging and recalculating how many "Day of Reckoning" copies will make it into my hands...
I want 4, for all intents and purposes, at the minimum cash out amount...Got enough days this week to figure it out...Just have to secure receipts til then...
Been a long time since I last wrote, particularly because concerns of the over-world commanded my attention more...
Counting down again, but such is to be expected, after all...
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| Nocturnus week...redux |
[23 Aug 2009|05:07am] |
has me preparing by sleeping later and later and later into the next day.
Current record is 3am...but even then, my elapsed sleep time is still 6 hours, even with forcing it. Aside from photo-sensitivity, my ears pick up the morning racket that happens, especially when the family attended mass this morning. Hollering, off-key singing, horn-blaring, you name it, they did it...
On the bright side, they say its somewhat lightened load from what my team is used to. I can think of a dozen ways to kill excess time productively...besides sleep, that is.
In other news, it seems like I'm almost done downloading Franklyn. Thinking of chaining it together with a full viewing of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind later...along with the rest of the movies on this PC...
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| In the depths of the Imperial Palace... |
[21 Aug 2009|01:35pm] |
"The Emperor is unwell."
The report rang out loud and clear across the assembled council. The seneschal paused, allowing those in attendance and noted their individual reactions. The generals along with their adjutants showed naught a sign of concern, except for the twitch in eyebrows and a subtle shifting in stance. Lawmakers murmured among themselves, some shaking their heads, whereas others drew on a contemplative look, perhaps attempting to find a solution, perhaps planning their own coup once the council is adjourned.
It had been a heated couple of days and contrary to popular belief, The Emperor really was not well. The attendants and his closest advisors noted how despondent and unresponsive The Emperor had been, often pausing for long periods of time in between walks, looking off into the distance, as if eyeing something in the distant horizon. Other times, The Emperor had to beg off feasts and often sat with his meal untouched, again, that troubled look in his eyes. No one dared ask what would be troubling someone such as he, for they thought that such problem could be more than a bit earth-shattering.
The seneschal paused, then cleared his throat enough to ensure all eyes were back on him.
"You all know how he is, how he would seem to draw strength from without during the darkest hours and still secure victory from the jaws of defeat. You know how calm and collected he can be, even when his physical condition is at its worst. He will fight through this as he has befo-"
"If I may, Sire?" All eyes turned to a lone captain at arms in attendance. Not to lowly to keep patrolling the grounds yet not too high to have a say in conquests, this one sported non-regulation hair, a face that has yet to feel the caress of a keen blade in days and eyes that seemed to pierce the very heart of whatever lay before him...at the very least.
"Before we go into another round of extolling his strengths, for truly I have grown weary of them, why not fully address this problem at our hands. He is ill and therefore unfit to rule lest we be led astray by someone not in full contro-"
Daggers appeared, at least a dozen, at random points around the arrogant captain's throat, cutting off the words before they could fully form. Surrounding the captain were Inquisitors, warriors of the faith tasked with keeping the peace and spreading their religion...by any means necessary. "Thou shall not speak of The Emperor in such tones. Ye be warned, dog," uttered the closest one, a weathered man nearing the twilight of life.So close were the blades that the captain daren't move nor draw a breath.
"What I'm simply saying is...that we turn to the other one. Surely you have not heard of the power that takes over when The Emperor is indisposed???"
As quickly as they appeared, the daggers retracted, hidden cleverly among the Inquisitors' vestments. As one they withdrew, forming a circle, evenly spaced with the eldest at the head still addressing the upstart captain. A steel gaze, punctuated by a scar crossing nearly across the bridge of his nose, met the captain's. Cowed, the captain turned away first.
"Blasphemy! We have not heard of THAT one in nearly a century! Surely those were times of progress but we cannot say we were proud to have IT among us even then!"
"You would rail against thinking that has provided your mendicants with their livelihood and supplied your order with weapons since time immemorial? You would dare speak ill of that which has provided for this domain while The Emperor was away on exile during The Great Upheaval?"
Staring at the floor, the head Inquisitor can only utter "I had only wished it would not come to that...that I could grow old and be buried without undergoing THOSE times again..."
"I say, cowardly dogs that you are, that you break the seals and let HIM back out. At least until things are right with us again, 's all."
This time, the seneschal sidled up to the captain.
"The last time we did such a thing, we lost a third of our military might sealing IT back up again, along with a year of repairing the countryside as well as mourning the populace that was swallowed up. These are peaceable times now, a bit on the grim side, but still manageable. We would not be party to inviting cataclysm back to our world."
Thumbing his throat, the captain brought his fingers, noting how crusted bits of blood stuck from where the daggers stuck earlier. Such sharp weapons for holy men...
"Honestly, I don't know how you can call yourselves men, cowering in the shadows while your leader is wasting away elsewhere. I'd rather go down fighting, if you ask me...If I ever learned from the last time HE was out, its that its not over until its really over; there's always a chance. I'm disgusted all of you have lost sight of that."
Drawing himself up to his full height and planting his hands squarely on his hips, the captain glared at the assembled council. None dared meet his gaze, which now had a fire in them the likes of which have never been seen since...
"I set out for the Proving Grounds in the morning, to set The Aspect free. You're welcome to either join me, or try to stop me, I'm not very particular."
Turning around, he spoke once more...
"Just remember what I'm capable of, should you choose to stop me..."
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| Putting the brakes on... |
[28 Jul 2009|07:35pm] |
The last few days have seen me sleep 12-1230ish in the AM, only to spring up awake in bed 630ish in the AM. Resulting in a sore throat I am thankful has subsided a bit after taking lozenges last night.
Preparing for the challenges to come, fighting pitched battles in the every day left and right, taking care to eat every so often, small light meals at the very least...
Apparently, I require an hour for the proton pump inhibitors to fully settle in my stomach. as evidenced by yesterday's breakfast (Imagine me putting away four pancakes, 2 cups hot chocolate and a sausage mcmuffin in one sitting. As one of my friends put it: "WHATANAPPETITE!!!").
Had my office PC reformatted yet we were still noting some performance problems... Anticipating the things to come...
What makes the everyday worthwhile? "Mutual Sentiments". Helps me sleep better at night; I just hope it works both ways as well...
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| -1...and on the precipice... |
[17 Jul 2009|03:04am] |
If not for having friends in other wings, the state this wing has become encompasses my current sentiment.
Do or Die. There is no try...
An hour and a half left. Start yore engines!
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| -4, Nihilism... |
[13 Jul 2009|10:25am] |
On the way home from work, I saw how a cat really does have nine lives. Imagine (pardon the following graphic imagery, especially to "nephew"; I kid you not, this really happened) that its bumper to bumper traffic on EDSA. The rain is on a continuous downpour, not too strong with buffeting winds, not too light as to allow for walking about without an umbrella or a decent windbreaker. A small kitten (common stray, white fur with spheres of gray) crossed roughly two cars ahead, stretching under an SUV just as it lurched forward...
The wheel caught the kitten and just as inexplicably as it happened, I saw the kitten spring forward just as it appeared under the wheel. I took steps forward as if nothing happened, just as the back wheel went over it as well...
By this time we had been plodding forward as I continued to catch sight of the kitten, seemingly unharmed and now proceeding cautiously, wary of the other cars.
Life subsists, apparently, even in spite of us.
* * * * *
I need MORE exercise. In preparation...
I can see when I'd be able to sneak them in, if ever. I'll just have to skip something else, to allocate time.
When I have an inkling that something is wrong, I should listen to it more. More often than not, it is...just not on the extreme scale I sometimes imagine it to be.
Control should still be the word; I only shift to aggro once board position is established.
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| -5 |
[12 Jul 2009|09:26am] |
Basic Cardio today consisted of trekking back and forth with varying number of weights and a few hours of repetitive motion with the arms. And catching dust...horrors. I refuse to call them dust bunnies, as they are of massive size and of an entirely different make-up compared to regular dust, more akin to what you'd see in volcanoes.
The mindset is mired completely in reality. I cannot spare going back into musings of what could have been. I shall continue the daily pace, day by day, the previous setting up the next day, and so on and so forth. No sense getting too far ahead of myself. Weather control seems to be cooperating so far.
A couple more items due, of which I can solve and chain together tomorrow with the rest of things that need doing. The supplies shall begin assembly tomorrow, necessitating journeys to the Great Beyond. A list is forthcoming, it seems.
I foresee tasks to be on the uptick within these next couple of weeks. Must sneak in some time to renew the old license within the next two days, seeing as I've bought myself enough time to set next month up...
Again, whatever happens from hereon out are my choices. No one else need be answerable.
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| Situationer 7/11/2009 |
[11 Jul 2009|11:10am] |
Of all things to find in the upper restroom...
Postcard from Atlanta nearly as old as I am, from a family friend greeting my parents for having me.
Mad dash through the mercury outlets to find IV kit and fluids for me ma. Hope she recuperates soon.
House fixer upper netted me with a 20W bulb illuminating my room instead of the old punk-ass 8W wannabe last time around.
Will conclude covering the newly acquired Palahniuks as soon as I grow tired of online shenanigans.
The cellphone service providers malfunctions...and performs well unexpectedly, at the same time.
Today is minus 7. Additional supplies to be wrangled starting monday, as tomorrow's schedule is too tight to call with an outing, not to mention too early for "cardboard shopping".
Current MP3 playing - There's Only Me by Rob Dougan
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| \m/ |
[08 Jul 2009|02:42am] |
The Hand that Feeds - NIN
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?
What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine
Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?
So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on
Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
Will you stay down on your knees?
\m/
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| 12:34:56 @ 07/08/09 |
[08 Jul 2009|02:16am] |
So far I noted the dogs growing silent, a slight breeze. Past that, nothing out of the ordinary from where I'm currently sitting. I haven't left, except for lunch, after noting the event.
When it happened, the skies were a uniform gray, no cloud cover of significant portent in the distance. Skipped work not because of it but because I needed some time to recover...and the fact that I didn't have anything due today.
Anyone got any catchy stuff happen during that time? I didn't circulate it as much as I should have though. Still...some metrics would be nice.
PS I believe the weird things happened before crossing that time. Oh well.
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| It feels like... |
[03 Jul 2009|12:11pm] |
Pretend I was set upon by vampire hunters...
Except they missed...
Forward to the night after. Finished cleaning up. Next of kin probably filing missing persons by the sheaf. Can't help but feel somewhat bored now that the night's emptier. Regenerating over should be all well and fine but breathing is problematic as it isn't fully recovered yet. I arch sideways and I can still feel where the stake went in, instead of where it should have. The flesh is still tender, the bones not yet fully formed. I gasp if I move the wrong way, phantom reflex and all...
That's how it feels like, currently.
Except for the part where it could be more or less worse than it is...if its just in my head or something else...
P.S. True Blood Season 2 picks up where the rest of my online preoccupations seem to be wanting...
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